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Listless, by Krista the Psycho
Listless
Chapter 1
I stared at the wall. Didn't move, didn't blink, barely breathed. It was all I could do to open my
eyes and carry on with life. I know what your thinking, depressed, suicidal teenager with no life. Well, yeah. But that's just scratching the surface. What happened to me was far worse than just simple depression. Ever heard the saying, �it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all�?
Well, I'm telling you right now, that is the biggest load of BS you'll ever hear.
"Maxine! Are you up yet?!" An annoyed voice called up the stairs.
"Yes, and the name is Max!” I yelled back. I heard an indignant humph. With a sigh I rolled out of bed. If I didn’t make at least one grand appearance out of my room, my sister Loraine would call the cops and say that I was at it again. At what, you ask? That I was trying to kill myself, or worse. No, I wouldn’t really take my own life, I still had a few things left to do, thank you very much. However, she didn’t have to know that. I like to keep her guessing.
I peeled off my rumpled purple tank and pulled on a black one. I glanced at my full-length mirror. My short blonde hair was greasy, my pale skin was unhealthy, and my pants had an unidentifiable smear on the left knee. Oh well. Let the world fuss over my appearance, it no longer mattered to me. Besides, it was Saturday, not like anyone would be around to see me, except Loraine. I eased my door open and glanced around before stepping into the surly morning light. Cloudy day, perfect for my mood. I could smell bacon and eggs frying in a skillet. Tempting, but not tempting enough. I walked towards the bathroom. Maybe I’d take a shower today, just to make Loraine happy. Big sis
always did worry about hygiene above all.
Suddenly a black streak shot up the stairs and ran smack into my legs.
“Whoa! Easy Bandit! Don’t need to bruise my legs now, alright?” The little fluff ball purred
happily, rubbing back and forth across my legs. Bandit, one of the few reasons why I still existed. I knew that if I ever kicked it, Loraine would give him to the pound immediately. She hated him, even resented him, because she knows I care more about him than I do her. Loraine isn’t my real sister, she’s my step. I never asked for her to be my guardian after my dad died, but she felt it was her responsibility, even if I despised her. Loraine is my opposite. Pretty, popular, and totally in love with life. She had, at first, thought that it would be great to have a little sister. I cured her of that notion soon enough. I shoed the cat away and went into the bathroom.
After taking a quick cold shower, I pelted down the stairs of my two-story. Yes, my house. I inherited it when daddy dearest passed away. Loraine had custody until I turned eighteen. Just one more year and we could both go our separate ways. I couldn’t wait.
In case you were wondering, my father’s death has nothing to do with my depression. I did get tearful, as is only expected when a parent leaves your life, but I managed to pick up the pieces of my life.
It was something else that drove me too this point of depression. As I thudded to a halt, Loraine looked up from her newspaper. She gorgeous this morning, as always. She had long, amber hair with natural honey streaks in it, matching golden eyes, and soft creamy brown skin that seemed to glow with hidden radiance. With a perfect thin figure and height, she was the pinnacle of feminine beauty. It made me sick. However, her looks were set in an expression of disapproval.
“You shouldn’t crash down the stairs like that. One of these days you’ll slip and break your neck.”
I shrugged as I walked by her towards the kitchen.
“So?” I didn’t even have to look at her, I knew that my careless reply made her flinch. Good. I
scooped up a loaf of bread and removed two slices from it’s number. I slipped them into the toaster
expertly. I refused to eat anything Loraine made. It hurt her, I knew, but I didn’t care. It was hard to force food into my mouth as it was. I got a kettle and went through the basic steps of making tea. As the steam rose from the spout, I was thrown into a flashback.
~Tears streaked down my face. I ran with painful steps, realizing that the most important thing in my world was being threatened. I saw him there, and felt everything spin out of control. Sorrow beyond belief swept through me as I dropped to my knees…~
I shook my head and broke the trance. My hands were clasped around the edges of the counter, nails dug into the soft wood. My head hurt like hell, and the faint echo of a gun shot sailed through my
ears. 'No! Not again!’ I unclenched my hands with some difficulty. This was not the first time such a thing had happened to me. I would suddenly be thrown into a flashback from that horrible day when my best friend Shane left me forever.
“Maxine? Are you alright? Maxine?”
I shook my head again. ’Snap out of it Max! Don’t think about him, he’s gone! Nothing you can do about it!’ I made my face go blank and looked up at Loraine, who had come to stand beside me.
“Yeah, just, thinking…” The look of pity on her face stopped me dead in my words. I was instantly sorry for saying what I just had. Now she’d be all nice and, ’oh, poor dear’ to me for the rest of the day. I grabbed my toast. Screw butter and tea, I’d be fine with just those two pieces. I turned and walked as quickly as I could to my room, ignoring her cries.
“Max! Wait! Don’t you want to talk about it?”
No, I sure as hell didn’t, especially not with her. I’d rather have a conversation with my cat. She thought she knew how I felt, because her mom had died with my dad in that car accident, but she didn’t have a clue. When you lose someone like Shane, your whole world falls apart. Everything you knew, everywhere you went, none of it mattered, because they wouldn’t be there. You couldn’t see them walking down the street, or skating at the park. Your friends aren’t a help, your family just makes it worse.
Everyone thinks all you need is sympathy and time, but they don’t know anything, they don’t have any
flipping idea, because it wasn’t their love that died, it wasn’t their best friend who literally dropped off the face of the planet. Yeah, that’s right, I loved Shane. Didn’t know it at the time, but I loved him very much. I never realized how much I cared until he was gone. But isn’t that always the way? You never realize what a good thing you’ve got, until someone takes it away.
I opened my door and slammed it shut behind me. I threw my food at the trash. I had done it again, gotten myself all worked up, made myself remember the one thing I was trying so hard to forget. I
fell onto my bed and stared at the ceiling. A black shadow hurtled onto my stomach and began purring madly. Bandit. I grabbed him up in my arms and cried into his silky fur. He didn’t pull away, just remained still, purring understandingly. He was used to this erratic behavior. Heck, it had been more than a year now. Finally I stopped, but my chest still heaved from tears unshed. I released Bandit and laid back. He settled by my head, in the little crook where neck meets shoulder. I closed my eyes and concentrated on Bandit’s warm little body next to me. After some time I fell asleep, the salt of my tears still evident on my face. Unfortunately, I dreamed.
Chapter 2
I was walking down the street. It was night, with only the light of the moon and stars to guide my way. The street lamps were all broken, due to teens who had nothing better to occupy their time than chuck rocks at them. I had just come from a party at my friend Bianca’s house, (which had been a total disaster) and had been kicked out for being unnecessarily violent towards an overly friendly guy. The whole evening had consisted of me sitting alone in a corner, wondering where the heck the fun was. I had been persuaded to leave…well, that was a lie, I was forced out by Bianca and her boyfriend Chad. Chad, what parent in their right mind would name their child Chad? That’s like naming a girl Bertha. I sighed, this had been a very disappointing evening. A light breeze made me pull my thin sweater closer around my body. It was a chilly fall night.
I was nearing the park. I had to go around that and through an ally to get home, but I wasn’t scared. I had made it very clear in the past how little I appreciated being hassled by the moronic losers that tended to frequent the area. Now they were my pals, we actually hung out once in a while, when some of them were sober enough to make coherent conversation. I set my pace a notch slower. I loved the nighttime, and the smell of autumn was the best, in my opinion. As I inhaled, I could pick up all the subtle smells that lingered from the party as well as the park. Ugh, smoke, liquor, and cheap cologne from that dumb guy who had tried hitting on me until I introduced his face to my knuckles. As I wandered listlessly down the concrete walk, I contemplated staying out a little later. After all, what was there at home besides my cat and stupid stepsibling?
As I moved, I saw one of the numerous park benches that sat alone and forlorn outside the skate area of the park, and decided to sit for a while. I could hear one lone skater doing tricks and swearing occasionally when he didn’t land correctly. His voice sounded vaguely familiar, but I was too content with the moment to place it. I zoned out for a while, just enjoying the light nip of autumn and the gorgeous night sky. I was brought out of my reverie by the sound of my name.
“Max? Yeah, I know her. What’s it to you?”
Now I recognized that voice. It was none other than my best friend Shane, whom I was very unhappy with for not keeping me company at the party and warding away that rude idiot. I turned in my seat to see whom he was conversing with. A man with a black trench coat and matching hat stood in front
of Shane, shadows hiding his features. Shane’s back was to me, skateboard in one hand, the other planted sullenly on a hip. Shane wreaked attitude and suspicion. I couldn’t make out the words of the stranger, they were kept at an inaudible murmur. Shane visibly stiffened as the man’s words sank in. The man turned then and made a beckoning motion with gloved fingers.
“What? What do I need to know about her?” Shane demanded, but the stranger only shook his head and kept motioning for Shane to follow.
As the man walked towards the ally, Shane shrugged and began to pursue. I was curious. What did this stranger know about me that Shane didn’t? I told Shane about me, from my feelings on Loraine
to the day my menstrual cycle began. Of course, the last bit he didn’t much care for, but he’s a guy, what can you expect? I rose carefully from my seat. I walked slowly and cautiously. The last thing I wanted was for Shane to think I was spying on him.
I was ten yards away from the ally when a shot rang out, followed by a scream of pain that would forever haunt my subconscious. I stood rigid, frozen in mid-step. All intelligent thought was driven out of me, replaced by a feeling of fear and horror beyond imagining. I snapped out of my daze and ran as fast as I could to the spot where I had last seen Shane’s sandy-blonde head disappear into the shadows. It was so dark that I nearly tripped over the limp form that lay in my path. I got down on my hands and knees, eyes adjusting to the inky blackness. My worst fears were confirmed as I recognized whom I had nearly fallen over in my haste to investigate the gunfire.
“Shane! Oh God, what happened?”
He opened his eyes to the sound of my voice and looked up at me. He reached over and grasped my arm weakly.
“Max?”
My name came out as a gurgle. I could feel the tears begin to flow as I finally understood how serious his wound could be. I removed his hand from my arm and held it.
“Shh, yeah, it’s me, I’m right here Shane.” He squeezed my hand lightly.
“Max, help me up. Don’t let me die lying on my back like a cripple.”
The words cut me clear to the heart. Even as I protested about his dying, I pulled him up into a
sitting position.
“Don’t talk like that! You aren’t going to die Shane, I’m here, and we’ll get you help.”
As I said this, I knew I was lying. I had caught sight of his wound as I lifted him up. He had a
hole in his chest, it was a wonder the bullet hadn’t hit his heart and killed him instantly. Blood was pouring from the rip in his flesh. I could feel it cooling on my fingers where I had accidentally touched some. I felt like a murderer who had gotten the blood of their victim on their hands, thought I had nothing to do with the shooting. At least, I didn’t think I did. I slipped one arm around his back, the other still holding his hand. I was surprised when he laughed. The damned fool was going to die, and he
was laughing. I was angry now. Angry at everything and everyone. That man, Shane laughing, and at myself, for not doing something to stop this. Had I approached Shane before he was lured into the ally, I might have saved him.
“I’ll kill him.” I whispered furiously, voice shaking with barely controlled rage. That man, the black stranger, I would find him, and I would kill him. The simple conviction of my own feelings, the utter certainty that I would hunt this man down for as long as it took till I got my revenge for Shane, it scared me badly, but it was satisfying, all in one.
“No Max, stay as far away from him as you can.”
I was shaken by Shane’s urgency.
“Look at me Max! No, not at my face, my eyes! Look at them!”
I could not refuse him. I looked into those pools of gray-blue, the color of the sea before a storm.
They were glazing as the life slowly slipped from their host.
“Max, stay as friggen far away from that man as you can. He’s after you, he wants you to suffer for something. I don’t know what it is, but he’s crazy, and he’ll do it.”
I stared at him. Were people who got shot supposed to be delirious? I couldn’t know, I’d never dealt with a situation like this before.
I shook my head. “I don’t understand. What are you talking about Shane? I’ve never met that man before in my life.” My hair fell loose from it’s clip and floated across my face, hiding the waves of salt water pouring from my bloodshot eyes. How could this happen?
Was it even real? It had to be a dream, this wasn’t happening. I’d wake up, call Shane on my cell, and have him listen to my tale. He’d be a sympathetic ear until the end, then laugh and joke with me about it until I felt better, then suggest we go out for ice cream.
That was Shane, that was the boy I had known since the beginning of my life. No way was he dying now, here, in my arms. I didn’t realize he had been moving the hair out of my face until his palm was flat against my cheek. It was cold, so painfully cold.
“Don’t cry Max, please don’t cry. I want the last person I see to smile. Come on Max, smile for me.”
I tried, honestly I did, but I couldn’t do it. How can you smile when your friend’s life is slipping
through your fingers?
“I’m sorry Shane, but I can’t. Don’t you realize what this will do to me? I need you, and you’re leaving me, just like my mom and dad.” He rubbed his thumb across my cheek bone, catching some tear drops as he did so. He was so pale, his normal Californian tan skin was reduced to my own light pallor.
“Max, I’m not leaving you because I have a choice. If I had things my way, we could stay with each other forever. Remember our plan? Go to Hawaii, get into a good college, and tan on the beaches?”
I nodded, sending big droplets flying every which way.
“Only, I never tan.” I said, with a tiny grin. It was one of our crew’s favorite jokes. No matter how many hours I spent in the sun, I never got so
much as a freckle of brown. I was a cursed little albino. He smiled at me.
“That’s it Max, smile. Just show me those big old pearls. They’re as white as your skin, aren’t they?”
I couldn’t help it, I laughed. Strange, how in the face of pain, sorrow, and sadness, the human brain can still create the impulse to laugh. Perhaps it was a device meant to keep us homo sapiens from
going stark raving mad, to cope with situations far too emotional for our simple minds to accept.
His hands rose higher up my face till his fingers were buried in my light hair. He turned my face towards his, so that our eyes were level.
“Do me a favor Max, don’t stop smiling when I’m gone. Never give up Max, never.”
I closed my eyes. How could this be happening? How could I live without him? He was the best thing in my life, and now he was going to disappear from it. Just like my real mother had, so many years ago.
“I’m sorry Shane, but I don’t think I can, I’ve already given up.” He pulled my face gently closer to his, so that nothing but his stormy eyes were in my vision, they were welling up with tears. Those eyes, so serious, so intense. After tonight, I may never look upon them again.
“Please Max, promise me that, when I leave this world, you will stay in it for as long as you can. I don’t want you following after me unless someone makes you. Be careful Max, that man will come after you. Run if you have to, but don’t give in.”
His voice was weakening ever so slowly. I was losing him, I could feel it in the way he sagged
against my arm, how low and shallow his breathing was.
“I will Shane. If it’s the last thing I do, I’ll make that guy pay.” Shane gripped my hand tighter.
“Don’t go looking for trouble Max, please. Just stay away from him.”
I nodded, tears spilling on my shirt, mixing with the blood from Shane’s wound. He gasped painfully, raggedly, then calmed himself. “Shane?” I looked on with worry. Was this it? He continued to look into my eyes.
“I never realized how beautiful you are Max. Never realized how special, how important, you are to me.”
I looked at him, startled. Then I knew. I knew I loved him, and he loved me. Why was it now that we realized this? Shane’s face reflected my own sadness and regret.
“We wasted our time Max. I’m sorry. I hope that this will make up for it.”
Before I knew what he was doing, our lips were pressed together, tears mixing with themselves.
For how long we stayed that way I don’t know. It felt like time had stopped, and we were the only things left alive. Then, everything shattered. Shane’s head fell back on my arm, heart finally stilled of it’s beating, hand now devoid of any warmth. His words echoed in my ears, the last thing he ever said to me before he died:
“I love you.”
So, what do you guys think? Go ahead, be brutally honest. If you have any questions or comments, email me at Xeyna123@aol.com. Oh, and please, no swearing at me. If you've seen an other parts of this sight, you know that there are many people who would do horrible things to you on my behalf. Thanks! (Next 2 chaps coming soon!)
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